Silence Speaks Everything

Goodbye

2010-01-29T04:39:00.003+08:00

31 05. We had a silent jouney of mixed emotions.
Of whispering voices we could hear everything.
Today. 28 01. We took the same journey.
But of these words we hear nothing.
Of these words nothing surfaced.

I could see the tears well up in your eyes.
But of this time they were of different value.
I couldnt quite make out what I saw today.
But it was those little words that tore through my heart.
Words that need not be spoken and yet be heard ever so clearly.

Words that sent a wave of emotions upon me.
Words that engulfed me in the depths of hell.
And to think that I have prepared so much for this very day,
seems as though they were all futile.
It seems as if this was where we were headed at the very beginning.

How many times have I convinced myself to lighten my grip.
How many times have I constantly reminded myself to let it all go.
And as each word seems to be a piercing bullet into my heart.
I somehow found the courage to stand unwavered before your eyes.
Before those eyes of tears and sorrow.

I had to. I told myself.
I cannot let her see me like this.
But as she spoke the words that I have prepared myself very much for,
I could feel the tears well up in my eyes.
I knew that I couldnt not stand unwavered after all.

2206. She left with a final goodbye.
A place that once brought much pleasant memories,
now brings such painful regret.
A place that once brought much joy and laughters,
now stands amidst a lonesome silhouette.

At that moment I could not find the courage to stand up to it again.
But I must remember? I have heard the same words over and over.
As we gave our final hug, my heart broke once more.
Goodbye was all I heard. Goodbye to all those memories.
Goodbye to the hands that are going to part.
Goodbye to the once, happiest moments.
Goodbye, to someone who once meant everything to you.
Goodbye, to everything.

221209

2009-12-25T03:16:00.001+08:00

-221209

Emptiness in my heart,
and there we choose a path of no regret.
If that's where it all starts,
then why has it been my greatest upset.

Pride or joy, we choose the greater devil.
While we balance between self or the other,
we are mocked by our very own endeavours.
This time it's truely now or never.

Stained across the eyes of our hearts.
It stands blinded of the clearer light.
As our little hands chooses to part,
it's sad we let it go without a fight.

Keep running to the end where the road is neverending.
You might find a way back to bliss someday.
The fact that you find this most appalling,
we should have never taken this way.

A yacht we built to scour the seas,
seems to distant away from the shore.
Yet there's not a soul up here with me,
only a broken heart in which you tore.

Fallen twigs they speak a sad song.
Humming birds they seem to laugh,
at the little things that have all been gone,
at the "happiest" memories that have taken its path,
at the hands that have chosen to part.

Sweetest Heart

2009-10-25T04:33:00.000+08:00

-Sweestest Heart

Voices of beautiful songs.
Colours of prettiest blues.
Unforgettable moments. and lasting memories.
How can I forget the slightest of meetings?

Shared me the ears of saddest times.
Gave me hearts amidst the darkness.
I am but noone without you.
Gave me wings when I am down.

Now I am in search of times of age with you.
Where we grow to old, hand in hand.
I could take you away,
only in you, I find my faded paradise.

In search of heavens, when I am in place.
How ironic that the heart speak of someone,
and yet hurts them the most.
I am full of much regret to have led those tears.

Of beautiful skies, I dream to watch with you.
Forgive me. I am but only human.
With tinkling stars, and the city lights.
I can only be contented.

Crossed our fingers, we walk the path of no return.
Will you give it your everything?
As the tallest trees, they stand as our strengths,
Ill take your hand and guide you through,
This road of tears and laughters. :)

Heartbreak

2009-09-28T10:59:00.001+08:00

-Heartbreak

2230. A hole punctured - so perfectly - into my heart.
As if it was always there - ever concealed.
Only to be noticed upon close scrutiny.

And as yet the times of bliss piles up upon this irreversible scar,
never will it be entirely healed.
As while the closest of times we speak the happiest of moments,
the saddest of heartbreaks reigns through it all.

How often it is that the greatest comfort lies in one's imaginations?
That our rise and falls, come not in reality.
Saints as we may seem,
our expectations of others do fall short.

All our lives we chase a light that may have never been there.
such emptiness, such inadequacy.
It is hard to satiate our desires.
As our desires may only be elusive.

Set upon this heart of fire,
I may choose to walk the stones of hell.
Burning feet. Burning pain -
May already be the lesser of the two evils.

Actors

2009-08-18T21:07:00.001+08:00

-Actors

As we are all laid upon this path,
shaken by uncertainty,
we sometimes seek recluse when we have it rough.
Solitude, as it is, is life's greatest subtlety.

We may appear as pillars of stengths,
solidified and often infallible.
But as we stand before intimidations,
how many of us stand unwavered?

Across the garden of eden,
we are set to pick the fruits of salvation.
Do we leave it to choice or by chance,
or succumb to the expectations of others?

Of these rows of flowers,
we select the highest of quality.
As it all seems to be almost perfect,
it is sad that we fall for such trickery.

Disguises are sometimes deadly,
Appearances often deceiving.
Faced by the lesser of two evils,
so hard it is to resist temptation.

Stranded by the greatest of man,
how long before eternity?
Even love, the greatest of emotions,
can forsake us through the hardest of times.
What say of our certainties?

Departure

2009-07-02T00:51:00.002+08:00

-Departure

In time when we have realised our priorities,
we may have failed it all.
Enslaved by these weeks of solitary,
my heart spoke the words of immense flaw.

If I could have another day with you,
we would walk the beds of blue roses,
stroll the beaches of blue,
and parade through the sweetest of moments.

While we may speak of all those joy and laughters,
deep down inside there's so much longings.
And with each longing in time that passes thereafter,
hides a tear beneath those kissings.

Stranded between these hands of subtlety,
it's you I choose.
If time could freeze such memories.
im sure i'd take more with you.

Hold me now, you may never know if its the last.
My smell, my voice, my warmth.
Let those be of a futuristic past,
cos if you leave them here now, they will be all gone.

Trials

2009-07-02T00:49:00.000+08:00

-Trials

Frustrations we vent, but to whom?
Cycles of trials we may stream above.
But with who ? but to who..
but with blue it may be, my love.

If I would speak of those words now,
it may be almost futile.
if we can let it fade away somehow,
What that took years may take just a while.

How funny it seems that our roads divide,
and then they converge.
Our thoughts they coincide,
and then they divert.

While the walls of division may be set upon us,
Tough as it may be we must not falter.
This, as it is, we shall pass,
a facet of unseen lustre.

If moments like these cease to exist,
then there's no test of faith.
beamed beyond this array of blues,
how much of these memories can we save?

Star gazers, as we are, we wait a thousand years,
only to chance upon a shooting star.
and through time and distances - the least of our fears
we'll stand unwavered in our paths.
This time, no walls, no separation
will do us part.

Incomplete

2009-07-02T00:48:00.000+08:00

-Incomplete

Twigs and leaves, we bury what's beneath.
Of old stones we pick our mines.
Have we forgotten our very own beliefs?
Impaired and such between these lines.

We've been led through this deserted path -
a road that transcends logic and emotion.
This is a place where joy was never enough.
This.. is a beginning of our personal satisfaction.

How often do we laugh as we cry.
How many times do we lie in our lies.
Today our journey lit,
its end lavished with laughters.

But tomorrow there's no promises.
Almost without reason.
As we lay here above all consequences,
our life splashed before us.

Where it all begins, this is where it ends.
Of a choice we seek yet come no answers.
A relationship of more than just friends..
If we could forsake it now there's still chance.

We may have draped our hearts with love.
We may have covered our lives with love.
But have we prepared enough for this?
Have we been of mere impulsion?

After

2009-07-02T00:46:00.000+08:00

-After

Such words they show no mercy,
more than the eyes, more than it already is.
We may choose to cross our paths,
or we can stray away from all this.

Faster than sound, faster than light.
Suffocated by arms of what we do not feel.
Take my hand, run with me to greater heights.
Can you feel what's real?

I may be piecing together these broken shards,
but with you in my hand, im not afraid.
Words - so limited - cannot define greatness,
but i'll stand by you if I may..

Silence as we speak of others.
Silence as we have our first dance.
From this moment on..
From this very one.
Silence has its answers.

So hard it is to bring forth these words.
So hard it is then to take it all back now.
And the thing is, it is truely the first.
No cries. No pretense. No fouls.

Having it more perfect than it already is,
I couldnt ask for more.
Having been often in search of bliss,
I may already have it all..

Friend

2009-06-01T05:13:00.000+08:00

-Friend

I have a friend that doesnt wanna say goodbye to you.
Where rucks and mauls were all you ever asked.
But today it seems you broke whatever that was once true,
and turned them all into dust.

I spoke of someone whose heart never left,
whose tears he held back.
6 of may he tried his very best,
to smile and laugh amidst this mess.

He was hesitant in his tone,
but I could almost hear his every tear.
That day it felt like she had left him all alone;
thrown him back into the depths of misery.

Now isnt it sad that time waits for no one ?
That it doesnt linger in times of sadness,
nor does it stay in times of laughters.
We have all been so gullible.

Words of no weight.
Life of its fragility.
Promises that we all hate.
Lies, that our eyes do not see.

Have we lost it..
Have we all lost it..
Fooled by our very need.
Obligated by the slightest of things.

Will someone save you?
shout out, and try saving yourself.
Cos in this obvlivion,
the more you cry, the more you burn..

Blue

2009-05-31T15:09:00.002+08:00

-Blue
How many times have we left it all to fate?
How many times have our promises come far too late?
We all shrug it off as if of least implications.
But the truth is, ignorance draws distances.

Your times of glitters and spices,
these moments of flight and fall.
We dreamt of forging these ties,
and to experience the greatest of flaws.

Walked through this test of faith before,
in hope that it entails memories.
Recreated these perfections not by chance,
but by the choices of deliberate insanity.

Its silhouette fades in the distance,
these lights erase its remnants.
We may not have said what should have been said,
but its genuineness ascertained.

Lets set our sails together in these shadows,
scale through these clouds of blue.
Drift pass the best and the most,
would you let it founder?

Sometimes our hearts fool the most of us.
We may let it all be of mere deceit,
or we may craft these reins of our past.
Question is, won't you fall back on this creed or let it go as if of faintest credit?

14.2.07

2009-04-18T11:43:00.001+08:00

-14.2.07

Holding on to memories long gone.
Cannot seem to find the courage to let them go.
And through this broken heart I've worn,
tells me I still love you so.

Blinded by the very thought of you,
I choose to remember.
That very day, I gave you all that is true,
but today it seems you have thrown them in this ember.

I've come to realise so much that,
my senses can bring you freedom.
Today, this blood filled with much regret,
will cross through this path of martyrdom.

Yesterday, my joy encircled with your warmth,
hands filled with an urge to hold.
Today, our paths divided and torn,
laughters and such, not as a whole.

Today. Wrinkled or not you may be.
Bracers or denchers with those teeth.
I will stand by you.
I will stand by you.

"Fret not, cos I'll catch you the next time you fall"
Vague yet unfulfilled promises.
Im sorry that im not good enough to be your all,
that im not part of your any wishes.

14.2.07. You walked into my life,
so casually, as if it was of faintest meaning.
10.4.09. You will walk out of my life,
the very same way it has always been.

The Place

2009-04-18T11:37:00.001+08:00

-The Place

This place, in so many times.
This place, of so much memories.
I searched and fell, on so many tries.
I loved and wept on so many melodies.

We both forget these things, most of the times.
Why did you say it, when it means nothing to you.
Made me sat through most of your lovely eyes,
just like how most lovers do.

We are alone..
In this perfect slumber.
Went through this phat and bones,
of this heart-breaking thunder.

"Stupid" and "pighead",
on this very date.
Just like how you said it would be.
14 cries, 14 laughters, in this open sea.

So many times, we misread each other.
Misunderstandings, of such we shouldn't bother.
Pictures we chose to freeze,
of the special moments of yous and mes.

Plunged into something hollow,
never felt like this before.
Of all the times you brought me sorrow.
this was something I wouldn't ask for more.

Maybe now, you've turned your back on me.
Walked away, towards a distant town.
But let me smile one last time for you..
Cos it's just so hard not to make a sound.

And maybe then.. I could slowly let it go.

Oblivion

2009-04-04T16:15:00.001+08:00

-Oblivion

A little portrait of us,
tainted with these imperfect lines.
A flicker of light and dust,
torn and shredded into the hands of time.

Why is it that perfection is often flawed?
Has it fade ?
Has this familiarity distanced?
Tired as I am, I can no longer wait.

Run should you feel like it.
Fly away if you feel like it.
Laugh as you feel like it.
Shatter when you feel like it.

It doesnt matter no more.
I have been stoned.
I have fallen to the core.
It has been 2 years alone.

If I cannot salvage this moment,
then I'll just leave it to fate.
As I'm not strong enough against this demon -
a faint smile on my face I'll fake.

You can run away now,
run away with that huge laughter you got.
give the next prince charming your crown,
and leave this pillar of strength to rot.

I am no one.
I will disappear from you.
For all along I have been almost negligent,
to the thoughts and likes of you.

Inexplicable Sadness

2009-04-04T16:13:00.001+08:00

-Inexplicable Sadness

The clock strikes a year from now.
It's footsteps. ticked alone.
Alone again it seems that it hurts somehow.
And then the constant ringing of this familiar tone.

Could never quite figured what it meant.
The roses. the cakes.. the heart.
and that.. warmth.. ringed around my hand...
why has it that fate did us part?

Why has it that this path has been laid out before?
So perfectly done. as if we were powerless.
and that this page mercilessly torn,
would at the very least be deciphered.

Sanity grips me no longer.
empty-handed. ill take u across.
you're no longer my girl.
you're no longer my girl.

Fret not cos this time I wont be taking you back.
Cos it was so hard just to let you go.
tossed away in the dark,
I guess it's time for me to lay low.

Unspoken Words

2009-04-04T16:10:00.001+08:00

-Unspoken words

And there she goes again,
living life as happy as she could be.
As if those times in shine and rain,
were but of mere absurdity.

The only girl I ever loved and hate,
and yet the biggest of quarrels and misunderstandings.
Just so many words left unsaid,
so many times.. so many things.

Wont you come back?
I thought I heard her say.
But to remember was what she lack,
and that was what I was truely afraid.

Now she's gone, far away.
I know she aint ever gonna come back.
But there are just so many things left for me to say.
Anything, to just keep us intact.

And while this whistling wind would call out,
I'll be silently by your side to wish you well.
Cast away those smiles we talked about.
Bring me back into the depths of hell..

For it may only be temporary to you,
but it sticks to me for eternity.
This time I may be the fool,
to cheer and joy for your eyes to see.

But the real fool is you.
You live your life forgetting the bumps and hurdles.
One day they will all fall on you.
This day. These ties. This love.

Unplanned Situations

2007-03-05T21:27:00.000+08:00

-Unplanned Situations
It's painful just to say, "I'll let you go".
The tears that fall, tells me how much I love you so.
By the phone, I waited to only hear your lovely voice,
I guess maybe so, that this was my only choice.

By your bed, by your side,
I only wanted to hum your lullaby songs.
I only wanted to sing to you inside this labryinth of four walls.
Could I stay awhile? Could I stay with you, on this pony ride?

Perhaps sometimes fate denied us so.
So hard it is, to slide into your morning.
Friend or foe?
I do not know.

1 year, I had flew on your angel wings.
Above the white clouds, I thought I flew above all.
Above the carribean sea, I thought I wouldn't fall.
But oh wow did it hurt alot, to actually tumble down from such a height.

Like a leech, it slowly ate my heart away.
Perhaps now, it's much easier for me to say,
"Darling, let me go."
"Cos I love you so much so."

Life's Irony

2007-02-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

-Life's Irony

How humble the eyes that they may seem,
and yet they have such extraordinary powers.
Perfect or flawed; Simple or pretentious.
Our mind sees, what our eyes chooses to see.

This is life, and its irony.
This is us, and our resolution.
We fear death, while we seek it.
We enjoy life, because there's an ending.

The religions we seem to speak up for,
ensnares us like webs.
Just like hiking a mountain,
and reaching its summit, before

realising that we have scaled the wrong wall.
To how foolish it may seems,
that we may laugh at others for not having aspirations,
and yet like mountaineers we might have journeyed the wrong path.

Honestly. We are merely actors in life,
putting on what others expect of us.
And what lies beneath the mask -
no one knows.

It doesn't matter how we feel inside.
As like performers on stage,
we leave behind, the bits and pieces of our emotions,
and appear like winners, like champions.

The face - what a magnificent catalyst.
It portrays yourself to others,
while concealing your truest identity,
having two contradictive expressions on the outside and the inside.

This is it, like puppets we are manipulated.
And just the same, we manipulate others.
We are probably designed to kill,
not our preys, but of our own kind.

The Fallen Religion

2007-01-31T19:49:00.000+08:00

-The Fallen Religion

The faith of the fallen,
it seeks no believers.
The cross; it has made history.
It has given false hope.

Our makers, they mock at our betise.
The human race, so gullible.
Chosen to make beliefs that He will salvage us.
That He, will guide us to utopia.

Man's folly - they are keenly bereft of hope.
They desire beatitude.
They yearn for their seventh heaven.
They fall for such gibberish.

Infact, we are all still in our deepest slumbers.
We are vulnerable to propaganda.
We should not follow,
we should forge our own destiny.

We are all trapped in the stasis of darkness.
There is no truth of afterlife.
Manipulated by groundless beliefs;
no words will suffice to unravel this deceive.

How foolish

2007-01-18T15:18:00.000+08:00

-How foolish

I had no idea, why had my tears decided to fall this time.
And my heart, it wrenches and aches,
it feels the sharp pangs of loneliness,
it cries out, and to someone in particular.

Reminiscence; Reminiscent about the moments we once had.
A pain, it tugs and pulls my heart apart.
Slowly.. But definitely painful. definitely.
Memories. Heartaches. Sadness. Does it matter?

Gradually, the sight of you fades in the distant,
but I can't help but to continue clinging on.
To what? To chance? Hope? Maybe. Maybe so..
I do not know, I do not know.

It's hard to let go, truely.
Had never expected it to fall so deep,
so serious, so painful.
Regret? never did. But it hurts.

The first sight, it took my heart away.
Given up before, but had never stopped loving.
Haha what irony. And to think that,
I deceived myself into liking another.

17 years, the heart took its time to strengthen,
and yet it shatters completely all in a second.
How fragile it seems, that all the hardships it had braved through,
had not the least prepared it for this.

To think that this whole time might be real.
How foolish - in believing in something
that wasn't really there from the start.
Best of all, it never started. It never did.

2007-01-17T22:28:00.000+08:00

-Josephine

It's time, the season has indeed blown over.
Filled with white laced clouds,
green four-leaf clovers.
Rivers lined with rainbow-striped trouts.

It's time, it's time for a walking in the plains.
In the vastness of its serenity,
graced tall light-weighted shrubbery.
Amidst of it all, stood a fine young beauty.

Delicately gathering bright yellow flowers,
she stood the loveliest of them all.
it's perfect, it's all perfect -
The perfect portrait.

Hesitant to advance any further,
I stood from a distance, admiring her graciousness,
her every move, and the gentlest of her touch.
Her sweet perfume -

Its scent carried off with the wind.
Her face; revealing glints of joy.
Those eyes; they bring back memories.
Oh miss lovely, is this all part of your evil ploy?
In which to trap me in all these deceiving fantasies!

2006-12-20T05:46:00.000+08:00

-time

Finally a moment in time and yet not long enough,
the ticking clock in its finest moments.
The moving hands; it serves an everlasting purpose.
Joy it brings, and yet it's more that you yearn.

Issit truely joy or somewhat pain in its mist?
It drafts a certain dream that feels like reality.
Like a faded legacy; unclear and yet it exists.
For the truth it holds, piles up the anxiety.

Alas, a relationship, like a moon, it waxes and wane.
Through a place of our meetings, it drew distance.
The wind; it enshrouds us in the mist of our uncertainties.
The silence; it falls on us like suppressed voices.

And if somehow the falls of it doesnt fade,
the words, they fall on seemingly deaf ears..
Then perhaps there is the absence of fate.
In which it separates two similar identities,
into two of both ends.

2006-08-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

-Godiva!

With the slightest of touch, she puts her hand above mine,
and I could feel the grip, ever so gently on my palm.
It felt good, with each passing time,
closer to me, closer to me you'd come.

Every footstep, brings you a step closer,
closer it seems and yet never close enough.
It would seem at first as if it never really mattered,
but it had actually stabbed me far more deeper than anything else.

You, you were the purest amongst all angels,
the sweetest of all chocolates.
Yet you were hardened to the fact that you of all angels,
had led me through the hardest of my falls.

Kindly, allow my heart to thump once more for you,
it may not be the best but it would be the truest.
For the heart would never lie to itself like all humans do,
and would never be, hardened to all those tears.

Time assumingly by most would heal all wounds,
wouldn't it be wonderful if it actually could?
By fact, it hurts us just like its singing tune.
In which its melody hums a dreadful silence.

Turn your back on me now, you should have never walk into my life.
So easy, it would be to walk out on me now.
Fall away, into the depths of darkness.
That's where you had, all these while, been.

2006-07-18T19:43:00.000+08:00

-for you

I can't shed the tears, because it'll be too painful to.
I can't shut my eyes, cos then that's where I'll see you.
I can't grieve nor smile cos my heart stabs everytime I do.
I can't forget nor remember cos these memories reminds me of you.

It reminded me of how a wound that stabs and aches.
It reminded me of a heart that beats and hurts.
I'll fall for you, oh yes I will..
I'll stumble upon a meaningless tale.

I'd smile for you,
yet beneath it lives a crestfallen sorrow.
I'll sparkle with my eyes,
though behind those eyes are tears that flow.

Wondered why there's tears sometimes that words cannot express.
More complex than any word can ever describe.
Within me cries a soul that couldn't free itself.
On the outside shows a self that laughs a lifetime of wealth.

A light that shines a moment then flicker out the next.
The darkness that overwhelms the day awaits
until the hands of time stops ticking.
And then we'll fade into the night, with your body in my keeping.

Spoke of verses that held no meanings.
Cried a river upon the endless greens.
Watched a moon that waxed and waned,
to seek a moment that heals all the pain.

Life

2006-07-17T21:11:00.000+08:00

-Life

At times, don't you feel, that a straight path is set in your life.
We have been going on, on and on for so long.
Studying, working, loving, isn't that Life?
Maybe so, but I think it is likely that we are all wrong.
I see life with so many distractions..
Life, heading to only one direction.
And the end of where we are heading, is a dead end.
We cannot turn back,and yet unable to also surge forward, that's then,
we know for sure, that's the end. That's where it all ends.
I wondered about the lives where the earliest people surfaced.
Without work, without knowing what was love, without books.
Is life's true meaning really in this way?
That we are ignorant to everything,
with only a know how that ends beneath the ground.
And what form were we before this being ?
Merely souls? The purest within one's self?
We can listen now, to the gentle whispers of hope.
Speak with words of the faintest meanings.
But we can never hide the fact that we are still in our deepest slumber.
Always determined to accomplish something,
without ever knowing what that accomplishment really is for..
We can have so many distractions in life, always telling ourselves that that's the aim of our lives.
But will never really understand truely, where in life we are actually heading for.
And that's that. That's life. You know, that We know nothing about Life.
We know nothing about this never-ending path,
even after death. We would still know nothing about it.
Even after death, we cannot say that that's where we would live happily ever after..

2006-06-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

-theonlyher

Shuo wo ai ni ye bu ke yi,
xiang ai ni dan ye bu neng ai.
Bu neng shi qu ni!
Dan chong lai ye mei de dao ni..

And then it seems like so near and yet so far.
Miles away from me and yet only a whisker away from my heart.
Isn't it a mockery that fate brings me near yet not close enough to you?
That I would be able to laugh and yet not laugh together with you.

Shang xin dan ku bu chu lai,
Xiang kan ni yi yen dan ni dou bu zai.
Xi wang neng wang ji ni,
dan ni de ming zi shen shen de ke zai wo de xing li.

I've longed so much for the beauty of your eyes,
and something more than just His and Byes.
Tonight I'll be watching your soft footsteps upon the faded chapel,
and listening to the faint laughters in the distant.

What wonderful voice, what lovely smile you got.
What sweet scent you have, I thought.
It's the smell of beautiful red roses,
The smell of perfectness..

2006-06-09T23:31:00.000+08:00

-Finally

I have to find that courage to let you go,
but these tears have been a constant reminder that I love you so.
And I know, I really do know..
That I can't bear to let you go. <--- aww..

You have hid away from me,
and have avoided my eyes.
But as long as you are happy,
I'm willing to pay the price. <---- say say only. haha.

Still please don't hide away from me like that,
Not letting me know where you are..
It pains me so much to not know if you're happy or sad,
It pains me so much not knowing how far you are.

Seeing you and him infront me,
it shows that my love for you is of emptiness.
You dont know my pain and misery.
You'd had only seen my silliness.

The heartbreaks and falls I went through for you,
i'm sure that you will never understand.
But I know one day you'll see me through,
and realise i'm the only person that love you man.. ^^ <------wassup with the slang haha.

I've been silly waiting on and on,
waiting for something that I know there won't be returns.
It's unexplainable of why I had waited so long,
yet I know it's you I yearn.

No matter how much tears i've shed..
No matter how many changes i've made..
Still can't change the fact,
that i'm just not that great.

I just want to tell myself to stop loving you so much,
It's better for me yet it pains me so much..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've finally let you go, I think I did..
I am finally able to turn my back on you. = )

2006-06-09T23:29:00.000+08:00

-thebadmintonguy

All I ever thought of was to make you smile,
to make you laugh when you're feeling sad.
Bring you joy when you are feeling down,
and comfort you when you feel so bad.

I thought oh wow, why am I doing this for you.
I felt great for just that little moment, but not for long.
Cos all along, I didn't realise I have fallen for you.
I know I shouldn't, I know it's wrong!

I asked myself, we are just friends! Aren't we?
Yes.. Logic insists, we can't be more than that.
I love you so and why can't you see?
I've fallen too deep and it's time for regret.

Regret that things have to be resolved this way..
Regret that I didn't have the chance to be that special guy.
I've looked into your eyes and fumbled with words - I didn't know what to say.
All I could do was to look down and ask you why..

Why.. Why.. Why..
Too many whys.. Too many goodbyes..
But I'd only the chance to give a smile and turn away.
And to only turn into a world of grey.

I once thought love was a splendid thing.
It isn't.. Thoughts have made foolishness out of me.
Love is an obstacle, a time to think..
To think of what's the most I could ever be.

I'd blame fate that brought us together,
then blame it again to tear us apart.
But I realised, it's special that fate had once brought us together,
and let me have the chance to smile one last time for you,
before we would eventually part...

2006-06-09T23:27:00.000+08:00

-I saw an angel

Through the eyes of discomfort and sorrow,
I saw something - something beautiful.
Her laughters - heartwarming -, her movments - slow,
not exactly slow, delicate actually and definitely wonderful.

I loved the way she seemed to fall in her own world,
and enjoyed the smiles she gave me.
Loved the special way she makes me twirl,
and how her eyes daze upon me.

She's a wonder, a magnificent, a splendid.
For so much, I realised I have fallen in love.
My heart skips a beat every single time our eyes meet,
my eyes dazzled watching her every move from above.

It's like I'm oblivious to situations around me,
I didn't realise she was watching me too.
Was it cos I'm blinded and couldn't see?
I'm afraid and I really do not know what to do.

I've no idea why I had felt so scared.
Probably cos I wasn't confident of getting that girl.
Or maybe cos I wasn't once like that.
But I know for sure I saw an angel.

I liked her just the way she is,
just the way she said her sorries,
just the way she looked at me,
just the way she laughed with me.
just the way, of so many things..

If only god had provided me with a crown..
Then I'll be your prince.. I'll be your prince-charming.
And you'll be there beside me when I'm down,
cos you'll be the angel's wings.

2006-03-19T22:20:00.000+08:00

There was a time I fell so hard,
and i told myself I'll never love again.
But then you came along, into my life,
and I knew I'll once again feel the pain.

I brought you roses while you were asleep,
and sang through time for lullaby.
I know this time I've fallen too deep,
and I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye.

I remembered all your silly laughters,
and all those lonesome sighs.
It pains me much to just let you go,
but it's the only way now I've come to realise.

I have hesitated before to move on with life,
but I'm doing all this just for you.
All this while my love for you have thrived,
but it's the only thing I could do.

So promise me one thing that wherever you are,
you'll stay happy with just that other guy.
I'm sorry I haven been that good a strength,
but I hope that we could still be friends.

Im waiting for you.

2006-03-11T10:30:00.000+08:00

I remembered the times we shared those laughters.
Painful it is to recall, and yet unforgettable.
I remembered the time I first held your hand,
An unexplainable experience of being a man.

We've gone through what others think we could not,
and it's really so hard for me to just let you go.
I tried, i did, and through the lonely battles i fought,
tells me i still love you so.

It's hard for me to whisper goodbyes,
and it's even harder to hide my tears.
2 years seems long and yet time flies,
I realised it's time to face my fears.

But dear girl did I ever let you know,
that you brighten up my life in every way.
Without you life is nothing,
cos you really are, my everything.

There is only one thing I would like to do.
I have thought about this for a very long time.
I want to bring joys and laughters to you,
like how you brought those to mine.

I have told myself i must not falter,
things between us should get better.
To others it may seem like im a fool,
but no one is a fool to wait for you.

Im sorry for all those heartaches I brought along with me,
I hope they didn't hurt you too much.
To be your wonder guy is what i want to be,
more than words for you to love me.

I will wait, i definitely will

2005-10-19T10:53:00.000+08:00

Have my times in these years been spent in vain?
These monotonous moments i dragged through only to await your return.
And through these waitings, of what value have i gained?
Nothing i thought except for the pain of feeling distant.

I have longed just so much for you,
With eaching passing time i dreamt you came back.
Though these times i spent in solitude heart-broken yet hopeful,
I never gave up cos pessimism was what i lack.

Will an utopian life ever be possible in reality?
To seek perfection in me was what i strived for.
To be a prince-charming to you was what i wanted to be,
and yet through you i experienced the hardest of my falls.

Believe me please when i said for you i will wait,
as your refusal to trust would cripple me completely.
Let me be the one in your heart even when im dead,
for you will be in mine endlessly.

I will lock you tight in my memories, never letting go.
Cos you are the sole reason to think about my past.
And as every year passed my tears gathered threatening to overflow,
I will hold on to the promise i made to see you for the very last time i must.

And for those loneliness i went through in hope of seeing you once again,
sadly only being able to see an illusion of you and me.
Feeling deceived and yet wishing for the sky to just rain,
washing away my unfulfilled promises to set myself free.

2005-10-15T00:47:00.000+08:00

I felt deceived time after time.
And i told myself i'll never miss you again.
I had indulged myself in all those wine,
struggling to get through life with all those pain.

I had brought too much misery into my life,
and there were times when i was tired of all that.
Concealed within, my anger had thrived,
and again sometimes, my heart felt bad.

I know i had hurt you, but i didnt mean it.
Sometimes i pray into the night,
remorseful of what i did.
Still, these prayers never came to light.

I had hinted a little at times for you to understand.
I tried so hard,so much and so tough,
and yet you never comprehend.
At times i felt life was just too rough.

I had relinquished material desires just for you,
but you had felt unwanted and desolate.
I tried so much and just this much i can do,
and i just hoped i aint the one now you hate.

And to god up there i made a wish,
and to you i whispered goodbyes.
Still, I hope one day you would be able to realise,
whatever i had once said, weren't lies.

2005-10-05T14:13:00.000+08:00

It's the time when hands part,
and feelings seemed different.
When being unable to look beyond the barrier from the start,
to how to look through you i had learnt.

I had seen the real you,
having to do things i never once thought you would.
I tried to tell myself that it isnt true,
to just deceive myself i told myself i should.

I had once seen the devil in your eyes,
once witnessed the wickedness within you.
I had forced myself through those pack of lies,
to be able to not fall again was what i could only do.

If time could freeze for a moment,
I would have made amendments.
But wishing for frozen times were just fantasies,
and in reality, fantasies do not exist.

Sometimes i had doubts intruding my mind.
Repeatedly i asked had i made the right choice?
Hoping to discover the truth in which i never could find,
And so I had let myself to just fall back in the assurance of your voice.

2005-09-23T14:49:00.000+08:00

I stared at the sky, the moon with stars as its companion,
whispering words that seemed to drift off in the wind.
Listening to you and watching the moonlit horizon,
a wonderful sight i had never once seen.

The awkward silence that hanged in the air,
as i stood speechless wondering what more to say.
I wanted to tell you something i really did!
But all i could do was to look down in dismay.

"What if one day you wouldn't have the chance to see me again?"
i fumbled with the words, not knowing if it came out the right way.
I watched your eyes, i saw the pain.
"Then i'll live a disillusioned life everyday"

Those words reveberated back and forth.
Was i that of importance to you?
A riddle so comlicated i couldn't solve,
i kept quiet and looked up, "I must have sounded like a fool."

But how i wished i had let you know,
wished that i had just given you a little hinting.
To let you know i wouldn't let you go.
To let you know that you are my everything.

2005-08-31T21:16:00.000+08:00

Will silence ever be worthy of its value?
And regret be dreaded as an enemy.
With the precious of the lot as dew,
and as raindrops falling upon the canopy.

Will tears also deserve its resolve?
Teary eyes in magnificent blue.
Words like whispering doves,
that spoke to me and you.

Will memories regain its power?
To let things relive again.
Like the lost petals of a red-rosed flower,
obtaining its beauty again.

Will smiles be of pleasure?
Pleasure that satisfies its definition.
And you as my buried treasure..
Deserving its very recognition.

2005-08-27T23:47:00.000+08:00

Sorry i can't always express myself in words..
Sorry i can't always be your wonder guy.
But will you stand by me when it all goes wrong?
Will you stay beside me when i die?

I was so foolish for all these years.
Being deceived and let down time after time.
Still i believe that there will be an end to those tears,
An exquisite girl i will eventually find.

I hope you are doing fine out there without me,
cos i'm not doing so good without you.
Your eyes are still like the endless sea,
without it i don't know what to do.

Everything i have will eventually be relinquished,
i'm ok with that cos i still have you.
And to god up there i made a wish,
that my imaginations would all come true.

Even when the sky come crashing down upon me,
I'll be fine as long as i have you.
Even when god chooses to forsake me,
Please, my lady dont abandon me too..

So will you please be my support my lady?
And clear my life of all these disillusions.
Free yourself together with me.
And you and i will cross new horizons..

2005-08-10T15:42:00.000+08:00

smiles, in endless skies.. Stars fading into the horizon.. There was a time where we used to enjoy each other's company.. And we watched the stars together where the moon lits up each and everyone of them. And observe at how god fiddles with the lights. With hours that seem like minutes.. And eyes that seem like diamonds.. With every moment we cherished. brought us closer to the sunrise. Realising that there was an end to almost everything. And we hated silence as it brought separation.. Holding on to just so much hesitation to let go. And all the while. I watched only your back as you faded in the distance.. And it reminded me of the ordeal i once went through.. A painful ordeal.. And an extremely memorable one.. Do unforgettable moments happen only in fairy tales? Though physically you are away. And in reality you actually are. Stayed faded in the distance.. Mentally. You are always with me. Here, beside me. And although when i open my eyes i cant find you. I still can when i close my eyes.. I can see you lingering in my memories.. I can feel your presence within me.. Departures are the hardest thing one would ever experience.. Although i once felt so distorted and broken down.. Its ok cos i have found another meaning im looking forward to. Its hard at first but it gets clearer now. But i ought to thank you for the sparks you lit up in my life. The memories that when i look back at my childhood. I would smile.. Remembering how close we got to be.. And i cherished every moment you had place a smile in my life.. And before, i felt so hard to just let go.. Just so hard.. But im happy now as i finally did. And how so much i hope you would be able to let go, just like i did, and find another person to bring wonders into his life.. Just like how u gave wonders to mine. And as the sand seem to cover your footsteps with time.. and the wind seem to howl in the distant. The clouds cleared and the sky lit up ever so brightly.. I thought of you for the very last time.. The drifting silhouette.. The countless of sorries.. And i whispered my very last goodbye that took off with the wind.. And had just one last smile for you..

2005-07-26T15:28:00.000+08:00

As the droplets teared down one by one . with every raindrop in its truest form.. raining down upon heaven.. i suspected the clarity of every drop.. the purity of every drop.. within the mist of its form.. sadness surfaced from beneath. Every drop .. Pyres of loving memories . With one that pictured me running beside you.. And another that housed our quarrels.. And another that showed laughters.. And another.. Feeling the intensity of each and every one.. With every drop that seemed to cut through me like bullets piercing in each and every part of my body.. I collapsed on the floor hoping that it would just stop.. The pain was excruciating.. Unbearable.. Those memories left me with so much torment.. Just like how a child face solitude.. It was clear that heaven was moved with every of its tear crashing down upon me.. As i stood within the shower of rain drops, hoping that someone .. would just get me out of here.. Grabbing me by the hand.. Taking me away from this misery.. I waited and waited, but no one had came to rescue me.. I was disappointed.. Utterly.. As the rain stopped.. I sat upon the remains.. sobbing.. heaven had abandoned me.. As you see.. Sometimes god decides to help you.. But at almost everytime.. The devil tries to interfere.. Its hard for god to carry out its' work. And to propose to us a perfect life. Life. Life is often filled with loops and holes.. In each and everyone of them.. Hides our actual feelings, our thoughts. Cold-hearted it seems to almost everyone in the eye.. But there is always more than meets the eye isnt it? Sometimes life isnt like that. Or maybe. I look at life in a more simplified way.. A happier way rather.. Life is filled with delusions. Plucking a rose might prick you or might be your pleasure. But always after pleasures of the lone flower it withers away.. Guided by misconceptions. Some may get over it quickly. And yet some will never be. Roses are layers after layers of petals.. And life is cover after cover of lies.. A perfect route for a person may not be ideal for another. Ones' man gift may be another mans' poison. God has set life through multiple roads. And he manipulates life in a way that one would always take a different route.. And almost everyone feels the fatique of its' manipulation. And we are certainly tired of it. Hoping for a day that we would just settle down. And decide our own paths.. And making our own decisions without being exploited...

2005-07-09T23:58:00.000+08:00

I had let it slip out of my grasp.. I had let go of those memories on purpose.. Time had forced me to do such undesirable things. Pressure had urged me to let go completely. Silence had left a scar behind.. Having the happiest times upon angels.. And the worst amongst demons. I had it all. And had lost it all. If ever you had given out your hand to hold me. I couldnt hold it. For if i ever did, i could never ever let go again. I had endorsed in so many of gods' decisions.. But i couldnt understand why had he laid out this path of illusions. Living in the midst of my illusions, I had only you to look for. In times of need, in times of sorrow, i would be in deep search for you. I would often gaze up upon the stars.. All those faint yet significant glimmers.. The tingling sparkling wonders that seem to spread out across the horizon.. And as the shooting stars fall down one by one, i had made a silent wish. A wish of great significance. A wish.... only meant to be heard by god. And if lucky, her heart would be able to sense that too. And with every time i silently watch upon that grace, i had words slowly forming for me. One by one they form . and with every word formed, made me crumble over and over. And as i took much time to observe the shimmering meanings, i felt myself suspended in space. And everything around me were stars.. One by one swooshing pass me. And as if i could fly, my eyes raced with them. One by one... passed me. AND not one had stopped before me.. Life too wouldnt wait for you. Tuesday passed, it would be wednesday. Never again would it be that same tuesday again. Never again will tuesdays be the same if you never took the chance to hold on to every minute that day meant. Picture yourself upon the clouds... With birds flying pass while chirping melodiously. It was a whole new morning for them.. And before you the girl that you decided to share whatever assets you had.. With every word that seem to blurt out of your mouth without control, brings you closer and closer to her.. And at the part when you intend to say "I love you" she had already lean on your shoulders. Having decided that you are that person.. And as you spoke the words that carried so much seriousness, a yet far more powerful bond had come between both of you. You knew you couldnt lose her. You knew you needed her more than anything else now.. And while everything seemed perfect, all around you the blues and the whites.. And below you stood tiny little supports. How you wished that it would carry on like this.. How you wished that fantasies are realities. With every thought and every minute spent, the cloud slowly disappeared.. And you know that that fantasy is disappearing.. Soon, it would be reality itself. Without the stars, without the hugs and without HER.. Everything .. would have already lost its' meanings.. And as i put my hands together and thus pray.. Hoping that, one day, she would be able to realise everything.. EVERYTHING.. I have ever done for her. And one day she will realise, I am right before her very eyes.. Still, i have indulged my world with a pack of lies.. Hoping that these, would eventually come true..

When Did You Last Let Your Heart Decide?

2005-07-03T11:09:00.000+08:00

First impressions last the longest.. The sparkling memories.. The unforgetable smile.. A whole new world had began for me. i was satisfied with what i had around me. You me. i was satisfied as long as you were beside me.. I spoke with your heart but i realised it wasnt your heart i was talking to. It was someone else echoing beside you. I felt so hurt deep down.. Why hadnt you let your heart decide ? Why had you accepted other point of views? Why had you chose a heart-breaking option.. In countless of thoughts, my mind drew a perfect picture for both of us.. Running hand in hand... Into the infinite plains beyond.. And all around were patches and patches of tall shrubs.. Even the Daffodils stood appalled by our smiling splendid.. We ran so fast.. Only to had each others' hand to feel safe.. And if ever you would fall. I would fall with you, BUT we would stand up together after that. No one had the liberty to take you away from me.. But no matter how far we ran, or how far my mind took me.. There would always be an inexplicable sadness following me. I was certain that all these werent going to happen. I had made up a totally perfect fantasy for myself. I couldnt outmatch the voices hovering you.. I had to find a way.. To have you to share my thoughts. To have you to share my feelings. So you would know how much i had concealed within me. And only then, i would have the strength to conquer the doubts you had rooted right within you. And only then, i would have the will to go through, what we had in the beginning, again... And those times you shared with me.. I just could never forget. But i guess all i wanna say is thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you even for just that short time...

If Only You Knew..

2005-07-02T00:28:00.000+08:00

If only you knew those unrevealed meanings.. If only time had stopped right there.. If only it had waited for both us to make the decisions neither of us would regret.. But standing at the crossroads.. Pressure urging us to move forward... And we had taken different routes.. And in each path awaiting us a whole new life.. But had we expected the consequences for taking our own paths.. We would rather be slacking back in time... And only us would be by each other.. Allowing time to surge forward by itself, bringing everything else with it.. But now however how much regret we held on in our hearts.. Fate wasnt there for us.. Neither were we there for each other.. A single crossroad changed our lives completely.. If only we could just walk back.. Walk back against time.. And meet at the crossroads once again.. But it wasnt possible.. Reality lies before us in our hands.. And we knew damn well of it.. I tried so hard, just so hard to accept the path i had chosen.. But through time i had realised something important.. Fate had played us so bad.. We were confused.. "Come back will you?" sometimes i would try to question the you inside me.. But it just wouldnt reply.. I sat silently at the padding we once were... Hands over hands.. Smiles after smiles.. And as we enjoyed the stars heaven provided us as gifts.. The stars seemed to fade out one by one.. The city lights seemed to go out one by one.. And at that very point of time a little uneasiness popped into my head.. Will we too fade out like them? We held each other hands.. Feeling the assurance of that grip.. Had we release it then we knew we would fall apart.. But time had changed everything.. The meaning of the fading stars deciphered.. The paths taken were different.. The smiles we shared all gone .. At least one last smile? I had hoped for that for just so long.. But even to turn and face me you werent ready.. Sometimes i noticed the lonely eyes you had planted on your face.. And the tears you tried so much to hide.. I knew it all.. And hopefully.. I can once again feel what i had lost.. And be revived again once more.. Back to the time when we were at the crossroads.. Deciding if we should take the same path.. Never making the wrong decision ever again..

Find Solace Somehow..

2005-05-28T15:01:00.000+08:00

i found a girl. we had so much of a happy time. 31/3/05 we were happy in each other company. we knew of each others' feelings. but all this faded into hands of time. Every single bliss. every single memory, dissipitated with each blink of an eye. i thought that all would at last turn back for me. but i realised. with each minute i couldnt grasp . she drifted further from me. now, i no longer able to see her that well anymore. cant see her eyes. cant see her face. cant see that smile. was it somehow devil in the midst of happiness? will every hope i hold on to turn out like this? now those memories i longed so much to let it live in my ever-dying mind. Somehow those memories manage to find its' way out. and let me experience pain far worse than death itself. and for once i experience that sharp nudge. its like my heart twisted twice, bringing me to ground. with each time i closed my eyes. i saw her image hanging right there before me. beckoning me. calling out to me. as if to say something of inexplicable sadness. sorry was wat i made out . sorry? i asked myself. will sorry turn back time? will sorry be a resolve to every single thing devil had his hands on? and with each time i closed my eyes again . i felt tears trying so hard to force its' way through. i wasnt alone. my mind knew i had fallen so deep. and yet a will far greater than that of gravity managed to force it back. and i told myself. i would never falter again. and with each step i take . i held on to that hope, never wanting to let go again. i held on so tight, just so tight, hoping that somehow or some way. fate would find its' way back to me. and with each staggering setback i had. i still held on tight . knowing one day, she would come back. but as i saw that back moving further away and away from me . i realised, time wasnt waiting for me. SHE wasnt waiting for me. i was only waiting for a hope that was never going to happen . and it broke me down . it brought me so far back into reality. reality is fate itself. and i felt deceived. Every eye i placed on that drifting silhouette, broked my heart. And with every step she took, my shattered heart broke again. i realised it wasnt that easy to let go. when somehow i was able to overcome grief and sadness, i dreamt that . we patched up. and we were together again . and i felt happy. we felt happy. felt happy embraced in the love of each other. felt happy that nothing was there to stop us now.still, i couldnt make out the meaning of that dream. was it a way god wants me to still hold on? but i tried so hard to let go . knowing that i'll fall so far down. and god still wants me to hold on? i felt more than deceived. i felt i found something far more important than hope in life. it was will itself. determination. when everything somehow falls towards you. be prepared to withstand it. and now, i hide away from you so much . just hoping that you would still find your way back to me . and now this hanging question frozen there in time. would she ever turn back? the only thing i knew now . was to give fate a shot. was to put my every hope. my every grasp . my every memory. suspended onto this question. suspended in gods' hands. giving him the every right . to either take away life itself or give me solace.

Deceiving..

2005-05-28T14:15:00.000+08:00

I deceived you.. I deceived my friends.. I deceived everyone.. but somehow, i could not deceive myself. fate had deceived me in a way. It had enlightened me to a whole new truth.. the truth i never once believed in before. That radiance, that aura. somehow i never could displace it out of my mind. The presence rooted right deep in me. It dragged me down. Right back from heaven and i felt that a whole new life had begun.. No, I didnt want a new life. I was contented with what i had in the past. Isn't it pure cruelty that divinity decided to remove everything i had from me? To err is human.. yet to forgive is divine. Once again i felt deceived.. Had she not notice the light she had given me? I often questioned myself half-knowing the right answer. Sometimes, when i close my eyes, supposedly to see darkness, i saw light. Light in my eyes.. i wondered why.. It gave me courage.. It gave me a life i never once had.. And you brought that to me.. and i accepted it with all i had. knowing that if ever you took all of it away, i would crumble completely.. Memories flooded after silence.. Misery after reminiscence.. It tortured me. They tortured me.. For no matter how much i have tried to let go.. You prevented it from falling somehow.. Sometimes I looked deep into the times we shared.. the smiles we had.. it had me reminded of why i loved you so... It reminded me that we could be happy together . But it tored my heart so much when you told me to let go. let go? was it that simple? have you let go too? You havent i realised. It's hard for you too. But why let go when there isn't a need? It's pointless.. In countless of thoughts i pictured u lying beside me, using my shoulders as a pillar of strength. you leaned so much on it.. you depended so much on it.. However how much oblivious thoughts I had used to try to lie to myself.. In reality, the truth was you needed no dependance. Life was unfair.. FATE was unfair. and you wasn't fair to yourself. The time when you wanted me soo much to let go . i didnt know if you did it for me. that you didnt want me to wait . or was it you have already let go entirely. To allow that pillar of strength to collapse. your pillar of strength . my pillar of strength . OUR pillar of strengths . And as i held on tightly to all those dubious fantasies with none having any link of answers. i told myself that I would wake up and this would be all a dream. i would awake and find myself in relief of the familiarity. The warm touch of my pillow. Still, i couldnt breakthrough the deception my mind had installed for me. Sadness had blinded me completely. I only lived in search of the truth.. I wanted answers . To almost everything i was in doubt of. to almost everything i felt deceived in.. I prayed so hard that the answers would come from you. because... you were the only cause of every shattering my heart had faced... And only you.. could piece them back leaving only a small yet significant scar. that i would forever be in rememberance of... But for now. You left me with an unbearable, excruciating pain every single time i looked back.. hoping that the past.. would come to the future..