Find Solace Somehow..

i found a girl. we had so much of a happy time. 31/3/05 we were happy in each other company. we knew of each others' feelings. but all this faded into hands of time. Every single bliss. every single memory, dissipitated with each blink of an eye. i thought that all would at last turn back for me. but i realised. with each minute i couldnt grasp . she drifted further from me. now, i no longer able to see her that well anymore. cant see her eyes. cant see her face. cant see that smile. was it somehow devil in the midst of happiness? will every hope i hold on to turn out like this? now those memories i longed so much to let it live in my ever-dying mind. Somehow those memories manage to find its' way out. and let me experience pain far worse than death itself. and for once i experience that sharp nudge. its like my heart twisted twice, bringing me to ground. with each time i closed my eyes. i saw her image hanging right there before me. beckoning me. calling out to me. as if to say something of inexplicable sadness. sorry was wat i made out . sorry? i asked myself. will sorry turn back time? will sorry be a resolve to every single thing devil had his hands on? and with each time i closed my eyes again . i felt tears trying so hard to force its' way through. i wasnt alone. my mind knew i had fallen so deep. and yet a will far greater than that of gravity managed to force it back. and i told myself. i would never falter again. and with each step i take . i held on to that hope, never wanting to let go again. i held on so tight, just so tight, hoping that somehow or some way. fate would find its' way back to me. and with each staggering setback i had. i still held on tight . knowing one day, she would come back. but as i saw that back moving further away and away from me . i realised, time wasnt waiting for me. SHE wasnt waiting for me. i was only waiting for a hope that was never going to happen . and it broke me down . it brought me so far back into reality. reality is fate itself. and i felt deceived. Every eye i placed on that drifting silhouette, broked my heart. And with every step she took, my shattered heart broke again. i realised it wasnt that easy to let go. when somehow i was able to overcome grief and sadness, i dreamt that . we patched up. and we were together again . and i felt happy. we felt happy. felt happy embraced in the love of each other. felt happy that nothing was there to stop us now.still, i couldnt make out the meaning of that dream. was it a way god wants me to still hold on? but i tried so hard to let go . knowing that i'll fall so far down. and god still wants me to hold on? i felt more than deceived. i felt i found something far more important than hope in life. it was will itself. determination. when everything somehow falls towards you. be prepared to withstand it. and now, i hide away from you so much . just hoping that you would still find your way back to me . and now this hanging question frozen there in time. would she ever turn back? the only thing i knew now . was to give fate a shot. was to put my every hope. my every grasp . my every memory. suspended onto this question. suspended in gods' hands. giving him the every right . to either take away life itself or give me solace.