I will wait, i definitely will

Have my times in these years been spent in vain?
These monotonous moments i dragged through only to await your return.
And through these waitings, of what value have i gained?
Nothing i thought except for the pain of feeling distant.

I have longed just so much for you,
With eaching passing time i dreamt you came back.
Though these times i spent in solitude heart-broken yet hopeful,
I never gave up cos pessimism was what i lack.

Will an utopian life ever be possible in reality?
To seek perfection in me was what i strived for.
To be a prince-charming to you was what i wanted to be,
and yet through you i experienced the hardest of my falls.

Believe me please when i said for you i will wait,
as your refusal to trust would cripple me completely.
Let me be the one in your heart even when im dead,
for you will be in mine endlessly.

I will lock you tight in my memories, never letting go.
Cos you are the sole reason to think about my past.
And as every year passed my tears gathered threatening to overflow,
I will hold on to the promise i made to see you for the very last time i must.

And for those loneliness i went through in hope of seeing you once again,
sadly only being able to see an illusion of you and me.
Feeling deceived and yet wishing for the sky to just rain,
washing away my unfulfilled promises to set myself free.

I felt deceived time after time.
And i told myself i'll never miss you again.
I had indulged myself in all those wine,
struggling to get through life with all those pain.

I had brought too much misery into my life,
and there were times when i was tired of all that.
Concealed within, my anger had thrived,
and again sometimes, my heart felt bad.

I know i had hurt you, but i didnt mean it.
Sometimes i pray into the night,
remorseful of what i did.
Still, these prayers never came to light.

I had hinted a little at times for you to understand.
I tried so hard,so much and so tough,
and yet you never comprehend.
At times i felt life was just too rough.

I had relinquished material desires just for you,
but you had felt unwanted and desolate.
I tried so much and just this much i can do,
and i just hoped i aint the one now you hate.

And to god up there i made a wish,
and to you i whispered goodbyes.
Still, I hope one day you would be able to realise,
whatever i had once said, weren't lies.

It's the time when hands part,
and feelings seemed different.
When being unable to look beyond the barrier from the start,
to how to look through you i had learnt.

I had seen the real you,
having to do things i never once thought you would.
I tried to tell myself that it isnt true,
to just deceive myself i told myself i should.

I had once seen the devil in your eyes,
once witnessed the wickedness within you.
I had forced myself through those pack of lies,
to be able to not fall again was what i could only do.

If time could freeze for a moment,
I would have made amendments.
But wishing for frozen times were just fantasies,
and in reality, fantasies do not exist.

Sometimes i had doubts intruding my mind.
Repeatedly i asked had i made the right choice?
Hoping to discover the truth in which i never could find,
And so I had let myself to just fall back in the assurance of your voice.